First Day Butterflies...

School starts tomorrow. I am so nervous, my stomach is in knots. I can't help it. I remember every first day of school since I started my educational journey. I was always nervous. Kids are a tough crowd. I was never very popular and I was always worried I wouldn't make friends. What if the cool kids didn't like the shirt I was wearing or didn't like my hairstyle? I would be ostracized for the entire school year. I was the kid jumping for the bottom rung of the popularity ladder. Every yearbook I've ever had signed was filled with entries like "To the smart girl..." or "To the girl who let me copy..." or "Stay nice..." and there was even a "You're a great girl, one day you'll find a boyfriend.." No joke. I was never the pretty girl or the cool girl. And even though I'm 27 and I have a good job and one college degree under my belt already, I'm still feeling so insecure I want to hide. Thank God the semester is only 15 weeks. On the flip side, that means I have another first day right after that. Anyone have some spare Xanax? Want to share??

I'm already stressing out over the workload. The Microbiology professor already sent out her syllabus which includes words I can't pronouce, let alone spell. We'll have three tests and a cumulative final, which, I'm sure will lead to another nervous breakdown. Oh, and she's making us write a paper. This isn't English Composition. I'm just sayin'. The Organic Chemistry professor hasn't had any contact with the class yet and I don't know if I want to take that as a good sign or bad. I dread anything with the word Chemistry in it. I'm no good at it. I'll be spending tons of time recopying notes, making note cards and hanging out in the Science Center (fancy name for tutor lab).

Breathe. In and out. Just keep breathing. I will survive. I might be a little grayer and have a nervous twitch but I'll survive. I might also have a drinking problem in the end, but I'll survive. Just promise if they throw me in a room with padded walls, you'll visit? I'll share all the good drugs ;)

Life Is Good

va·ca·tion  (v-kshn, v-)

n.

1. A period of time devoted to pleasure, rest, or relaxation, especially one with pay granted to an employee.

2. a. A holiday. b. A fixed period of holidays, especially one during which a school, court, or business suspends activities.

 

I forgot just how wonderful vacations are. I remember now. I have been off for the past 9 days and I can honestly say this has been one of my best vacations ever. I did nothing special, went nowhere extravagent and didn't spend a lot of money. But the rewards I got are priceless. I caught up on sleep, spent time with family and friends that I haven't seen in a while and relaxed.

 

(Sunset, evening 2 of camping)

I camped out at Berlin Lake with Cory, we spent the entire time doing whatever we felt like. We played cards (I beat him at War and he was bitter) and brought books to read. I read all of Chelsea Handler's book My Horizontal Life, A Collection of My One Night Stands. HYSTERICAL!!! We had absolutely no plans. We put our phones away and turned on the radio. There's just something about being able to sit quietly with someone and just listen to music and the water and wildlife that is peaceful. It rained off and on most of our trip and we didn't even mind. Being away from people and work and stress...the rain couldn't ruin this trip.

 

I haven't felt this good, this at peace with my life in a long time. I love where I'm at and I'm okay with where it's going. I don't know what the future holds but I know it's exactly what I need. Life is good =) It is what we make it and I refuse to let anything life throws at me take me down. I know school is going to be tough but I also know I can survive it. I'm smarter than I give myself credit for and I know I can handle it. The hardest part for me will be remembering to balance life and school. I get so caught up with getting perfect grades and doing the very best that I forget to breathe. I forget to relax and enjoy an evening out or a drink. I burn myself out and let the stress take over. This semester I'm going to try not to. So, do me a favor, remind me to relax...

Oh, hi there, I didn't see you there...

"Why do today what you can put off til the day after tomorrow?"

This has kind of become my motto in the past few weeks and I'm not sure why. I haven't been to the gym in ::mumble mumble:: weeks. I'm so unmotivated. I told myself at the beginning of the summer that this was going to be my summer. My summer to lose some pounds, get fit and happy. School starts back up in 18 days and my goal was to be done losing so that I would just have to maintain while in school. Oops. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy. I've been really busy this summer, hanging out with friends and meeting new people. Just too busy for the gym? Yea, that's it. Too busy.

Oh, you saw that "S" word, did you? Yea, that's right...I'm back in school. I quickly realized that I could not work for TSA for the next 30+ years and survive it and my degree in business is going nowhere. After much debate and doubt and quite a few encouraging words from some very special people, I decided to take the plunge. I've decided that I've dealt with people long enough and I'd rather work in a lab with their removed body parts and bodily fluids. I'm heading into the medical field, Medical Laboratory Technology.

Today is my first day of a very long awaited vacation. What have I done so far? Hmm. Woke up for the first time at 7:00 (huge accomplishment considering I'm normally awake by 3:45 for work), went back to sleep and didn't get out of bed until almost noon. I know I wasted half of my day but I'm completely OK with it. Since then, I've caught up on a guilty pleasure (Secret Life of the American Teenager), had lunch and went to Ollie's (which was a GIANT success, bought two movies for $2.99 each!!) and now I'm writing my first ever blog. I really do have a list of things to accomplish on this vacation but as for right now, I'm content sitting on my couch, laptop in my lap with my cat at my feet, watching Wedding Crashers.

Enough for now, sorry it wasn't as exciting as you might have hoped. I can't promise the next one will be any better but I'll try to do something exciting so I'll have something cool to write about. Have a great day!!